To Feel Alive
by Warrior and Scholar
Summary: Kakashi loses a partner on a mission. Kakashi is hurt by the loss can Anko help him to feel alive? R&R Rated: M for later chapters.
1. Loss

**Legal Stuff: I don't own the rights to Naruto or any of the characters in the series. (wish I did then I would actually make some money)**

He was in a mood today. Kakashi had returned to Konaha as soon as he could but the mission followed him. Even though he had succeeded in the mission requirements he felt like he had failed miserably, because by his standards he had.

It was a simple VIP escort mission and it shouldn't have been able to go this wrong. He and Sato Reika, another Jonin only a few years younger than him had only to escort a lower level functionary to the capital of the Country of Sea. Right before the borders they had encountered resistance.

*****

"Hey Kakashi, pay attention when I'm talking to you" Sato nearly whined.

Kakashi's attention had been on his environment even though he had been affecting a disinterested stare into empty space. Kakashi turned to her, his exposed eye crinkling with the smile that formed under his mask.

"Sorry. What did you say Sato?"

"I asked if you had any idea why they would pay for so much protection on this trip. We're three days out and we haven't seen so much as a rabid field mouse."

Kakashi agreed with her, and that's what really made him feel jumpy. He'd been on plenty of missions where the clients weren't honest about the mission requirements. However, they usually down played the danger to get protection for cheap.

"Not sure. Perhaps our client just wants to feel more important than he really is," Kakashi whispered to Sato.

Sato laughed uproariously. Kakashi had to smile. He had worked with her several times before and was comfortable around her. Sato had an infectious personality that made people naturally want to follow her lead. This was one of the main reasons she had been promoted to Jonin even though her fighting skills were average.

At the sound of her laugh the client turned around in his seat on the palanquin and glared at the both of them. Kakashi knew that the man couldn't have heard his comment. So the fact that he was upset by a little good natured joking made him even more nervous.

"Something feels wrong Sato. Keep your eyes open."

Even though he knew it was probably a waste of his time and energy he lifted his headband from his left eye. If anything was wrong he should be able to see it with his Sharingan.

"You're just being paranoid."

"Well, I wouldn't want you to get lost on the road of life without me."

He smiled as he said it but the smile didn't reach his eyes. He scanned the trees on the side of the road and saw nothing. He covered his Sharingan eye once again and sighed. Even though he had seen nothing he still felt uneasy.

They continued on down the road for another hour. During the march Kakashi moved toward the front of the caravan and left Sato to bring up the rear. The dignitary and his bodyguards seemed to become even more skittish as time passed and it was really beginning to damage Kakashi's calm.

The border was in sight now and that left only another two hours until they got to the village where they had planned to stay the night.

Kakashi raised his headband to scan for trouble again. The instant his headband cleared his eye he saw the subtle movement in the tree line and then felt the chakra spike.

"Shit!" Kakashi screamed.

Kakashi leapt aside as two silver grey streaks cut through the air where he had been. He rushed to the palanquin drawing a kunai to protect the VIP. He had to push through the many attendants scrambling about in terror. He had to hope that Sato was heading the same way because he couldn't see her.

There were only two attackers, but they must have been very good to avoid being seen this long. They threw several more shurikens that Kakashi had to deflect.

"Fire Release: Fire Dragon Missle" Sato's voice echoed out from just around the corner of palanquin before Kakashi could get there. Her voice was quickly followed by a bolt of flame leaping out to cook one of the attackers' hiding place and most likely the attacker along with it. She came around to where Kakashi could see her, smiling the whole way. He realized that she must have only seen one of the attackers.

Kakashi was still moving toward her when the next volley came. Never would he curse his sharingan as much as he did at that moment. With it he could see each point of the three shurikens as they cut through the air with terrible speed. Despite the fact that he could see them he was powerless to stop their passage.

They struck Sato in her side. She never even saw them. She was still smiling when they ripped through her flak vest.

*****

Kakashi was shaken out of his memory when Tsunade cleared her throat.

"In spite of everything Kakashi you did well. From what you put in your report I think that no one in the village could have done better."

Kakashi said nothing, he just nodded.

"You fought off the attack and got the client safely to his destination. The death of Sato Reika is a tragedy but there was nothing more that could be done," Tsunade continued.

"Yes maam," He replied.

"I'm going to assign someone to investigate the incident further and if we find that client lied about the mission expectations we'll do all that we can to get some justice for Sato," Tsunade paused studying Kakashi. "Dismissed," she said closing the file in front of her.

Kakashi left the Hokage's office and walked out onto the open stairwell along the side of the building. He stopped there taking great effort just to keep breathing. He didn't work with Sato that often, but she was still a friend.

In the courtyard below Kakashi could see Sakura marching toward the stairs, apparently running some piece of information between the Hospital and the Hokage's office. Naruto was following closely talking animatedly. As they got to the foot of the stairs Kakashi could hear what they were saying.

"Come on Sakura!"

"No!!"

"Just one date, that's all I'm asking for."

"And all I'm asking for is a minute's peace Naruto!"

They got to the top where Kakashi was leaning against the railing before they noticed him.

"Oh, Hi Kakashi-sama," Sakura said.

"We're friends these days and there is no need to be formal," Kakashi said mustering a half smile underneath his mask  
"I wish I could stop and talk longer but Tsunade will put me back into training if I don't get these files to her," Sakura said. Naruto Shuddered in response to her statement.

"I don't know how you survived Baa-chan's training."

"That's because I'm not weak like you, Naruto," Sakura chuckled as she walked through the door.

"I'll see you two later," Kakashi called to the two retreating teens.

Naruto turned and waved before hustling inside to try one last time to get a date.

Seeing the two of them was always nice, but today it made him feel worse. They made him think of third member of the old team 7. He had failed with Sasuke worse than he had failed with Sato. At least when he had failed to save Sato her pain had been over quickly. Sasuke had lost his soul to a lust for power and Kakashi had been just as powerless to stop it as he had been to turn aside the blades that had cut down Sato.

Kakashi also hated to see Naruto and Sakura stuck in the situation they were in. He wished for nothing more than to have all three of his former students back together and happy. At the very least he wished that Sakura would recognize the value of what was daily offered to her so that at least two of the people close to him could finally find some happiness.

Kakashi sighed and decided to go find a little peace for the rest of the day. He reached to his belt pouch and pulled out Icha Icha Tactics deciding to read as he made his way to somewhere quiet. However, he was finding it really hard to concentrate on what he was reading. His mind kept straying to a narrow stretch of road lined with viridian shadows harboring death or to a dark night spent trying to save a lost soul.

Kakashi closed his book and tucked it through his belt instead of putting it back into his pouch. The sun was beginning to set and he knew of at least one place where he could find some peace and quiet.


	2. Trying to Forget

**A/N: due to traffic and reviews I decided to go ahead and post the second chapter.**

**Legal Stuff: Once again I'm a poor jobless student who does not own the rights to any of these characters.**

Kakashi wandered quickly down the street and turned into a shady cul-de-sac at the far end there was a small bar known by the uninventive name of "The Drunken Dog". Outside the door was a statue of a nin-dog standing shakily on its hind legs. The bar wasn't the only one in town but what made this one special is that the clientele were almost exclusively ninja and it was one of the few establishments in town where each barstool was its own island and its occupant left to their own devices. Kakashi walked in not looking around at the other people there and grabbed a seat near the end of the bar.

"Hot," Kakashi said slumping onto the counter.

The Bartender brought over a clay bottle and sake cup, and then went back to scrubbing down the counter with his rag. Kakashi let the warmth radiate into his hand and then poured.

*****

Anko came into "The Drunken Dog" because she wanted someone to talk to, and nobody was to be found at the common hangouts today. Occasionally when this happened one or two of the usual suspects could be found climbing under a table here.

Most of the time whoever it was didn't want company but it had never stopped her in the past. However today she saw someone that she didn't expect. Kakashi was sitting at the bar and judging by the number of sake jars in front of him he had been there for a while. 'He's usually fun to be around,' she thought.

Anko sauntered up and snagged the stool next to his. "Well hello handsome stranger. You certainly don't look like you belong here."

Kakashi turned to her. The part of his face that wasn't covered was red and his exposed eye was bloodshot.

Kakashi paused. He and Anko got along, but she had a tendency to be excitable and talkative especially when drinking. He wanted quiet and she was the exact opposite. "Anko," he said his voice a little shaky. "I just want to drink alone tonight."

She smiled. "Kakashi. I figured that you were smart enough to know by now. Ninja never drink alone."

Raising her hand to get the attention of the bartender, she ordered hot sake. "We either drink with friends or we drink with our ghosts."

"The ghosts don't talk as much," Kakashi sniped back.

'Ooh, tough company,' Anko thought to herself. She picked up the jar that the bartender brought and poured some into Kakashi's cup first and then her own.

"Care to talk about the ghosts then?"

"Not really, but I guess you won't take "No" for an answer?"

"You know me: annoying and abrasive," She smiled taking a drink. She looked down at his ochoko. It was already empty. "I don't think I'll ever figure out how you drink without taking that mask off"

"It's a trade secret," he quipped in a deadpan.

"So, talk," She poured again.

"Just one more person I failed that's all."

"I don't know of anyone that you've failed," she said before she took another sip.

"Sato is dead and I couldn't save her."

Anko recognized the name. She had never worked with Sato before, but knew she had been well liked by many of those who had worked with her.

"Sorry to hear it, but it's not your fault,"

"How do you figure that? You weren't there."

She wasn't sure what to do with him right now. He wasn't acting like the carefree goof that she liked to spend time with. Anko had never seen him look so frail. This was the first time she had ever thought that he really looked like the scarecrow he was named for.

Anko sighed. "You're sitting here and not in the old Uchiha prison. So you didn't kill her, and if you didn't cause her death then it was unavoidable."

When she said Uchiha she saw him flinch. Then she knew there was something more to this. This was going to require time and probably more than just words to fix.

"I know your reputation Kakashi," She continued. "You'll throw a mission if it will let you save a friend."

Kakashi just shrugged, and Anko saw that his cup was empty again. She didn't want to help him drink himself into oblivion but decided it was best to refill it one more time and keep him talking, at least what little he was.

"Some of us don't come home. You knew that was the price when you signed your death-waiver all those years ago," Anko said as comfortingly as she could.

She paused and took off her jacket.

"And sometimes there is just nothing you or anyone can do to stop it."

"Then what good is this cursed eye that lets me watch it all in vivid detail."

She knew the power of the sharingan hidden beneath that headband. 'So that's what it is,' she thought

"You're a fool if you really believe that's a curse. That eye has let you save many lives. Some of those whom you saved were your students. I know about curses and that is far from what I would call a curse," as she said this with a bitter edge to her voice she unconsciously rubbed her left shoulder.

She knew that she was being overly harsh with him, but she hoped that the shock would make him start thinking a little more clearly.

Kakashi recoiled as if he had opened a box and a live snake had leapt at his throat. A small part of him recognized the truth of what she said, but he just reacted.

"Just shut up and let me drink in peace!" Kakashi said far louder than he had intended. Kakashi realized he had overreacted as soon as the words cleared his lips, but it was too late.

Anko just sat there and finished her cup. Picked up the sake jar and poured the last of it into their two cups. She did this calmly even though the bartender was glaring at the two of them as if they had insulted his mother.

"You should never try to drown your sorrows in alcohol. Pain knows how to swim and half-assed attempts to kill it only make it worse," She said with the most somber expression Kakashi had ever seen on her face.

Kakashi turned away as Anko ordered another bottle for herself. She had seemed to shrink as she had said those last words to him and he couldn't bear to look at her while thinking that it was his fault. 'Now I've really done something I can blame myself for,' he thought.

'Great, I think I've made things worse,' Anko thought to herself. 'He's not the only one acting unusual tonight. I normally stay out of other people's problems.'

Anko was tossing the sake back like it was water and it was starting to get to her. She looked over at Kakashi slumped on the counter with his head in his hands and then finished the rest of the jar in one gulp. 'Damn, I should listen to my own advice.'

At that moment there was a crash over in the corner. The sudden noise spooked both of the patrons at the counter. They turned to see what the commotion was all about.

One of the guys at the corner table had passed out and knocked over a couple of empty jars.

Kakashi turned back around and his eye met Anko's. He shrugged and leaned back on the counter. Anko still embarrassed with her behavior dropped her gaze. Her eyes ended up falling on Kakashi's butt, for an instant she was even more embarrassed, and then she saw the way to get both of their minds off the problems at hand.

Kakashi was still trying to think of how best to apologize when Anko jumped up and he felt a thump on his rear. Kakashi's eyes widened. 'Did she just smack my ass? What the hell?'

Kakashi turned to look at her. She had jumped back a couple of feet from his chair and she was leaning forward with her hands behind her back. She was also grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

"What was that for?"

In answer she straightened up and her grin swallowed her face. She brought her hands out from behind her back.

Kakashi was getting frustrated that she hadn't answered him when he saw what was in her hands. He reached for his belt already knowing what he wouldn't find still tucked there.

Anko thumbed open the green covered book, and acted like she was reading.

"Alright, very funny, now can you give that back."

Anko's smile somehow managed to grow even more over the top of the book. "I thought you just wanted to drink in peace? I'll just read this and let you enjoy your sake."

The bartender's eyes fell on these two for the second time tonight. His eyes showed a great deal of frustration. Obviously he was tired of these two rowdies ruining the atmosphere of his bar.

"No way, that's my favorite book." Kakashi said reaching for the book.

Anko saw the grab coming and dropped her center of gravity and slid backwards on her heel coming up just out of reach.

The bartender looked as though he was about to begin foaming at the mouth as Kakashi made another lunge for the book. Anko had already planned for this and pivoted left letting him overextend. While Kakashi recovered his balance she snatched her coat off the counter. Kakashi recovered and moved to make third try and caught only smoke and leaves.

He realized she had flickered to somewhere else, and looked around trying to find her.

The bartender was livid. His mouth was beginning to work like that of a fish out of water, and his hands were twisting knots in the rag.

"Over here," Anko said by the door, and then ducked out.

"Damn," Kakashi started to give chase.

"Wait!" the bartender yelled pointing at the empty bottles.

Kakashi grumbled as he realized that he had been left with the tab as well. He fished out the enough money to cover the drinks and slapped it on the counter. He took off not worrying about the change.


	3. Struggling to Feel

**Legal Stuff: Really, I don't own Naruto. I'm not that well off.**

Kakashi stumbled through the door. He looked toward the end of the cul-de-sac, no sign of Anko.

"You know, I never realized how good these books were."

Kakashi turned toward the voice. Anko was sitting on the eave of the roof at the dead-end her feet dangling in the air. Once again she waved.

"Are we really going to have to continue this little game?" Kakashi asked the exasperation already apparent in his voice.

"Oh, but of course. I was getting terribly bored sitting there so quietly," She said jumping to her feet. "Now I get to enjoy a good story and get a little exercise," She said thumbing to the next page. Anko turned away and then dashed out of sight across the roof.

Kakashi walked up the wall trying to clear his head of the alcohol fog. As he made his way up he used a little chakra to clear the alcohol. He couldn't clear it all but his training would let him focus enough to do whatever he needed to.

He stepped over the lip up of the roof once again bringing Anko into sight. She stood on the edge at the other end of the building not more than a foot from the plunge to the street below.

"What are you trying to accomplish?" Kakashi droned his head beginning to ache.

"I thought it was pretty clear," She smiled. "Have a little fun."

"So if it's a game you want, what are the rules?"

"It's very simple. If you get your book back you win. Beyond that any non-lethal technique or skill is fair game," Anko said her smile becoming more mischievous with each word.

Kakashi knew better than to believe this was fair. She had obviously already stacked this game in her favor.

"And if I can't take it back…?" he said is voice trailing.

"Then, I keep it until I'm done reading," Her grin turned lascivious.

'What is going on here?' Kakashi thought 'I'd really like my book back now, but I can't actually lose.' "Alright, I want my book back. So, agreed," He finished aloud.

Anko once again turned the page then looked up. "Then let the game begin."

Kakashi rushed her before she looked up hoping to catch while her guard was down. Anko reacted by smoothly jumping back and plummeting below the ledge. He pulled up short not wanting to run headlong into some sort of trap or fly uncontrolled into the night air.

He looked down before making the jump but she was nowhere to be seen. Below was a T intersection, and with no time to think about it he made the jump to the ground below. Before he landed he made two shadow clones and sent them down the other two roads.

He had to locate Anko first and then he could worry about winning this little competition. Each of Kakashi's clones knew to disperse if they spotted her. Then he could change direction and hopefully head her off.

The clone that had gone right when he jumped down dispersed and he suddenly got a jolt of new memories. Anko had been in front of the clone and then run down a road on the clone's left. Kakashi cancelled his other clone and veered right at the next intersection. He ran to the road from his memory and found… nothing.

'Damn, she really is just playing with me. I guess I should expect nothing less from her,' He thought. He still wasn't sure what her trick was, but decided once again to try corralling her with clones.

He created four more clones. One continued along the road he had been on, and two more spread out and ran to other roads parallel to this one. The last followed him down the cross street. Kakashi took to the rooftops while the clone that followed him continued to Anko's last known position in case she doubled back.

Once he got onto the roof he could see much farther. His hope was that his clones would push forward and drive Anko to the rooftops where he could keep a better eye on her movements. It didn't take long until one of them apparently got close enough to make her change strategies.

He could see Anko three buildings ahead and a little to his right. Kakashi smiled. 'She did double back.' He leapt from rooftop to rooftop going straight for Anko. She turned and Kakashi was rewarded with the look of surprise on her face as he landed on the same roof.

Kakashi charged for his precious Icha Icha novel. He was caught completely off guard when she suddenly lunged back, leaping at him arms outstretched as though to give him a hug. Kakashi skidded to a halt. He caught her right as Anko's form dissolved into a thick slurry of mud.

Kakashi was pressed to the roof by the weight of earth. The earth clone had been a good trick. This was the single sneakiest use for a clone technique he had ever seen. He hadn't even realized she knew that technique.

It took Kakashi several minutes to stand up and scrape the mud off. If it were noon in the middle of summer the chase might have ended right there with him baked into a rock on a sun blasted roof. As it was it and weighed down his clothes the coolness and grit were just very uncomfortable on his skin.

"Oh, she's going to pay for that."

Now that he knew at least one part of her trick he could come up with a better plan. He left his clones to their task. It was best to keep her moving so that she had less time to come up with similarly nasty tricks. Kakashi wiped his right thumb as clean as he possibly could. He formed the seals cut his thumb and slapped it down onto the roof. A white dog appeared in puff of smoke.

"Urushi, you know Anko's scent lead me to her."

Urushi nodded and leapt away, and Kakashi followed. Kakashi suddenly got a rapid fire flash of new memories. Anko had set up several more earth clones that had smothered his four shadows.

'This game is getting challenging,' He thought.

Man and dog moved fast covering the intervening ground to their target. They rounded a corner to see two Ankos. Urushi rushed past the first recognizing it by smell as another earth clone. As Kakashi passed it the clone reached for him trying to bury him once more. He stiff armed the clone away right before it dissolved, and continued on full steam at the real Anko

*****

Anko smiled when she saw that Kakashi had been mud wrestling. The nin-dog was a bit of a problem, but not unexpected. She would have been disappointed if Kakashi hadn't changed tactics after he found out about the clones.

He would probably be more than a little annoyed if he realized that this was the first time he had even come within a block of her since she left the bar. She had enjoyed the expression on his face when her shadow clone had leapt from the roof defeating his attempt to catch her off guard.

'Too bad, I was really getting into the book,' Anko thought tucking Kakashi's book into a pocket inside her coat and taking off before Urushi could catch her. She formed hand seals and then bit her thumb. After she turned the corner she slapped the wall.

'That pup's in for a surprise,' she grinned thinking to herself. 'I'm still in this game.'

*****

Kakashi saw Anko turn the corner as he was trying to avoid getting more mud on himself.

'Hopefully that's the last bit of mud I'll see thanks to Urushi.'

As Urushi turned the corner hot on Anko's heels Kakashi heard him yelp. 'She wouldn't hurt him would she?'

Urushi came scrabbling around the corner his claws skittering on the cobbles. He was followed closely by a rather large snake trying to coil around him. Urushi finally decided to return to his home in a puff of smoke. The snake having finished the assignment given to him did likewise.

"Coward," Kakashi crowed not quite sure who he really intended that comment for, the woman or the dog.

Kakashi slid fast around the corner. He just caught sight of her coattails disappearing around the next corner. Trailing just far enough behind her to be dangerous Kakashi decided he should prepare an insurance policy. He created another shadow clone to run around the corner first. This proved smart as a deluge of mud poured onto the ground ahead of him.

*****

Anko loved this game. She was giggling perversely as she watched over her shoulder expecting to see Kakashi getting another mud bath. The clone dissolved around a puff of smoke. She turned to look where she was going and she almost tripped as she tried to avoid running into Naruto.

"Oh, hi brat sorry I can't stop to talk. Gotta Run," she finished with a laugh

This sudden interruption in his stroll left Naruto confused. He became even more confused as Kakashi came running around the corner. "What's going on?"

"Icha Icha: Tactics, no time to explain," Kakashi said passing at a run.

Naruto shrugged at the spectacle as they both slipped out of sight and continued his walk.

*****

Kakashi was closing the distance on her and she was losing steam after all this work. Anko decided it was about time to give up the chase and try to trap him for good. She cut one final corner into an alley. She created a shadow clone and took cover behind some nearby boxes that were left outside of one of the businesses' back doors.

*****

Kakashi made the last turn and saw that it was a dead-end. 'I've won this now,' He thought. Kakashi planned to pull out all the stops to recover his book from Anko before she could escape again.

Anko stood with her back to the wall at the far end.

"Well it looks like I'm going to have a hard time getting out of this one," She said.

"Yep. Why don't you just hand it back now?" He asked knowing full well it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Where's the fun in that."

Anko was smiling again. It was almost like she could see every card he had. 'Time to take away her advantages,' he thought as he prepared the coup-de-grace. Reaching deep into his bag of tricks he performed the seals for a technique he had not used in ages. "Hidden Mist," He said, and a deep fog rolled over the alley. He raised his headband. The sharingan wouldn't help if he deepened the fog anymore but the point right now was to obscure rather than to blind, and the heightened sense would give him an edge.

Kakashi formed three water clones from the mist. Two of them rushed Anko and he followed close behind them. He watched her go through hand seals and knew that she was calling up more snakes. He jumped a foot to his right mid stride as the snakes burst from the ground. The two clones were caught and squeezed into puddles.

Anko didn't have anymore time. She had missed her last ditch strike and now he was on top of her. His hands went to the wall on either side of her. She was caught. In the darkness and fog she couldn't see anything but an outline of him, but she could feel his breath, filtered through his mask, brushing across her neck. It felt disturbingly close to something she had just read in the book that had brought them to this point.

"You got me. Now all you have to do is collect your prize."

"I think I will."

"Inside pocket on the right side," she said

Kakashi reached across with his right hand and slipped it into the designated pocket. As he did this his arm brushed her stomach. The heat of it gave her chills for an instant.

As Kakashi pulled the book from her pocket she suddenly leaned forward into him and whispered in his ear "You missed something."

In an instant she puffed into a cloud of smoke. Then a half dozen python sized snakes came from the ground behind him pulling him down flat on his back before he could react. The real Anko stepped from her hiding place and strutted over to him. She sat down on his chest and grinned.

"You did pretty well," Kakashi was mentally kicking himself as she spoke. He had gotten as hotheaded as a rookie genin and run straight into her trap. Anko leaned down and wiped some of the mud off his cheek. "but not well enough."

"Still, I think you earned your prize."

She placed his book down the front of his vest and gave him a little peck on the spot she had cleaned the mud from. Kakashi was surprised at how sweet it felt.

Anko then stood up and released the snakes. As she began to walk away Kakashi sat up wondering what brought all this on. She was acting… different, was the best way he could put it.

"Anko," He said now smiling beneath his mask.

She stopped and turned back toward Kakashi "Yeah?"

"You missed something," as he finished speaking his last water clone stepped from the mists and hugged her from behind before popping like a water balloon.

He expected her to be furious. Instead Anko laughed. Her laugh was not loud but rather cute. What shattered his expectations even more than her laugh was that he laughed with her. It was the first time he had really laughed in the days since Sato's death.

"Good to see you back to your old self," she said between peels of laughter. "Go home, take a shower, and get some sleep." Then, she walked away still laughing to herself.

*****

When Kakashi got back to his place he took his book out of his vest and started to put it on his night stand. He noticed a bit of paper sticking up above the top about a fifth of the way through. He opened to the page that it was on and found that it was a note along with some bills. The note read:

"I hope this covers my half of the bar tab. I had fun tonight we should do it again sometime. P.S. Don't lose my place I'm enjoying the story."

Kakashi wanted to avoid reading too much into it, but he was enjoying this story that was playing out. Trying to shrug it all off he chuckled to himself, and then took Anko's previous advice. He cleaned off all the mud and then slept the dreamless sleep of the physically exhausted.


	4. Remembering

**Legal stuff: I promise I'm not trying to steal Masashi Kishimoto's work.**

Anko awoke around noon with a headache. Her memory was a little fuzzy at first. She wasn't a morning person to begin with and a mild hangover made it worse. Anko got out of her bed to make some coffee, and then her bare foot struck something wet. Memory came flooding over her like the water that had drenched her coat.

'Somebody please tell me I didn't do all that,' she thought. Her memory told her otherwise.

'I was drunk I didn't know what I was doing,' she tried to convince herself, but again she knew better. She had been lonely and she found Kakashi attractive so she had decided to stay and talk to him. The rest had just… happened. A part of her regretted it because she was worried that Kakashi might take it the wrong way.

She continued on to the kitchen and made the coffee her brain so desperately demanded. When it was finished Anko sat drinking the cup slowly. As more of the cobwebs cleared she decided she needed to make sure that everything would go back to normal. She didn't need to lose one of the few friends she had.

"The two questions are where to find him and what exactly am I going to say," She said to herself.

'Oh well, I'll have an hour to figure it out while everything dries,' She thought. She then set out to dry her jacket. As she picked up the jacket off the floor she remembered being pinned to the wall and the feeling that Kakashi's arm left behind as it brushed her stomach. 'And I better take a cold shower.'

*****

It took her a while, but Anko finally found Kakashi at the monument for those fallen in service to Konoha. She stayed back out of sight. This was too important to interrupt. Self-destruction was one thing, but healthy mourning was something everybody had to go through.

Kakashi sensed her presence. "No need to stand way over there."

Anko stepped out of the tree shadows and walked over next to him.

She looked at the monument. There were so many names that it seemed they must add to the weight of the stone. Anko recognized some of the names. Some were renowned like Minato Namikaze. Other names were people she knew personally like Hiruzen Sarutobi, Third Hokage, who sometimes looked in on her after she was returned to the village half-dead and without her memory.

Thinking about the past was making her uncomfortable. She started to fidget a little.

Kakashi glanced over and could easily tell she was feeling a little awkward. He wondered what it was that was bothering her. Whatever it was, he just hoped he could help fix the problem.

Kakashi reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. Anko jumped a little in surprise at the unexpected touch.

"Are you hungry?" Kakashi asked

"Yeah, I'm starved," Anko said smiling.

"Well then, let's go get something. I'm buying since someone left me some money last night," He smiled.

Anko wanted to talk to him about last night, but try as she might the little speech she had prepared stuck in her throat. Thankfully, Kakashi bailed her out of the awkward situation when he started in with small talk.

They talked about recent missions and little tidbits about recent events. The tension Anko felt eased some as she realized that what happened the night before hadn't changed things between them. 'Does he not remember my flirty behavior?' She wondered to herself. She was uncertain as to whether or not she wanted that to be true.

They had their late lunch at a small dango stand. Anko rather enjoyed it. The food was excellent, and the conversation was enjoyable. Although she spent half the time trying to watch Kakashi so she could see what he looked like without the mask. She was frustrated by the fact that he apparently only ate when she was looking the other way or was busy paying attention to her own food.

"If you don't have anything else to do today why don't we go for a walk," Kakashi said after they were done eating.

"Sounds great," Anko said. She was really enjoying the time she was spending with him.

They walked and continued their earlier conversation. When there was finally a break in the conversation Anko realized that their walk had taken them along the forest paths toward the training grounds.

Kakashi couldn't ignore Anko's continuing unease. She had been acting strange since last night, and it wasn't fading as time past between them. 'Oh well,' Kakashi thought 'nothing to do but ask.'

"I have a question about last night."

Anko stiffened slightly. 'So he does remember,' she thought. 'Has he just been trying to soften the blow?'

"What about?" Anko asked.

"When you talked about drowning sorrows it sounded like it came from experience. As you said it you just seemed to be lost somewhere in the past," Kakashi said kindly.

"We've all been through situations like that," Anko stammered somewhat evasively.

"Is anything bothering you?" Kakashi asked detecting the dodge.

"No I'm fine," She said rubbing her left shoulder. After a second she realized what she was doing, and stopped quickly pulling her jacket tighter around her shoulders.

In that moment it all clicked into place for Kakashi. Anko's behavior had really started to change last night when she took off her jacket. The rest could almost be brushed off, but she had definitely acted like an entirely different person in those moments. He now realized that her weathered trench coat was her way of hiding her true emotions. As if it were a talisman or armor she felt secure when she was wrapped inside that coat.

'Now, how do I get her to take off her "armor",' he thought.

He acted on the one opening he had. "What's the matter with your shoulder? Did you hurt it last night? Here let me take a look at it maybe I can help," He said with a pace that would have impressed an auctioneer.

Anko froze at the thought. She quickly tried to weigh the risks of both courses of action left in front of her. Kakashi on the other hand didn't suffer from an instant's hesitation.

Kakashi led her over to a nearby log. He guided her to a seat on the ground then sat down on the log behind her. Finally he eased her jacket off her shoulders, and laid it across the log.

He started to massage the area around her left shoulder. He knew Anko's action was a subconscious habit related to her curse seal rather than any muscle pain. However, he wanted to get her to open up about what was on her mind.

"I don't see anything wrong, but you sure are holding a lot of tension in your shoulders," Kakashi said as he started to massage deeper into the muscle.

Anko relaxed a little, but she still felt uneasy.

Kakashi picked up where their conversation had left off. "So what was your situation?"

"It… It's nothing," she tried to dodge once more. "It's all in the past."

Kakashi didn't want to push Anko too hard or she might retreat, and then he would lose her company as well as the chance to help her.

"I saw a different side of you last night. It just left me a little curious, and well, today you've been a little distant."

Anko was quiet for a minute as she fought with the thoughts in her head. When she finally spoke she was on the verge of tears. "I just don't want to think about my past. It hurts to remember it all." She reached to cover her curse seal and her hand brushed his on her shoulder.

Once again, from Kakashi's perspective it seemed that the unexpected contact spooked her. She leapt up and stepped away.

For an instant Kakahi thought he had failed and pushed her too hard. Anko really looked as if she might bolt at any second to try and escape from the questions.

Kakashi stood up planning to quickly patch things and try again later. Right as he was about to speak he heard her voice barely above a whisper.

"No matter what I do everybody just sees me as Orochimaru's student. When I regained some of my lost memories and realized that I abandoned his path to live for myself it helped my confidence some, but it didn't change how people treated me. I was still just a reminder to everyone of the danger that bastard represented."

Anko's shoulders began to shake a little, but Kakashi heard nothing but her voice.

"To the vast majority of people in the village I just can't be trusted. I don't want to lose the few friends I have…, I'm afraid to lose them," Before she could stop her words a half-sob half-inhale caught in her throat.

Kakashi didn't know what exactly to do. So, he did the simplest thing he could think of. He stepped up behind her and put his arms gently around her waist. Her net shirt was rough on his arms, but he just squeezed tighter.

"I'm afraid of my past because if I think about the past the seal starts to burn like fire," She whimpered "The memories of all the things people have said and done. It makes me wish I could change all of it. I know I shouldn't think like that. I know how the seal works, the desire for power, any power at all weakens the binding. One of these days I'll look to the past and then I'll cease to be myself. I'll become one of Orochimaru's monsters, and then I really will lose the few friends I have. As far as we know he's gone forever and yet still he interferes in my life."

Anko finished still trying to fight away all signs of her tears. Kakashi eased himself back onto the log while still holding on to her. She moved with him, a little reluctantly, until she ended up sitting in his lap.

Kakashi loosened his right arm and drew it back. From the movements it felt to Anko as though he was scratching his head in search of a reply. She didn't turn to look because she didn't want Kakashi to see her eyes swollen with barely contained tears. She had long ago refused to let anyone know that she could cry.

When his arm eased back around Anko he draped her coat over her shoulders back to front so as to keep away any chill air. Then he tightened his arm back around her stomach.

"You are stronger than him," Kakashi paused for just a second. "And you are stronger than his seal. Above all else you are stronger than anyone who would think less of you for your past. I only asked about all this because I wanted to know more about the beautiful woman who made the effort to save me from my own memories."

Her head dropped. She didn't know what to think or feel right now. Then Kakashi spoke. "Last night I had fun with an incredibly vibrant and alive woman. You helped me share in that feeling even when I resisted, and I realized I want to keep that feeling. I want to be with you."

As He finished talking Anko felt a kiss on her cheek, a bare-lipped kiss. Anko's head shot up and turned to look at him as best she could out of the corner of her eye. Kakashi's face was covered by his mask and he was smiling underneath.

He pulled her in even closer. "It's just you and I here and right now there is nothing else in my world but you," Kakashi whispered in Anko's ear.

She eased herself down she could lean her head onto his both smiled as they watched the sky that had somehow hidden the creeping of the sun from them until now. It was just an hour from sunset. Neither of them wanted to move, and so they stayed there waiting for the sun to finish its silent, slow race to the horizon.


	5. Return to Life

**Disclaimer: The usual I don't own any of these characters or Naruto as a whole and I accept no compensation for these stories.**

**A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long to update. Between a computer crash, working my part time job, finishing school, and starting my new job I completely forgot about the story. For those of you that have been waiting so long, I hope this lives up to your expectations. Furthermore this final chapter has a lemony fresh scent so if you are too young or are adverse to such things now would be the time to navigate away. **

Anko and Kakashi were left with the next three days all to themselves. They spent that time together. They played games like kids one minute and then talked about the past in the next. No longer were the conversations painful, but rather comforting.  
They went to one of the usual jonin haunts on the third night to see some of their other friends. It was good that Genma and Gai didn't want to drink at The Drunken Dog. Kakashi was pretty sure that he and Anko would be tossed out by the bartender on sight.  
They all drank heavily but it was all laughter and good cheer. Gai challenged Kakashi, and Kakashi once again chose rock, paper, scissors. However, this time he made the rule that the loser of each round would have to take a drink and the last one standing would be the winner. After an hour Gai was under the table with twenty losses to three wins.  
Anko laughed riotously at the pair of them, until Gai slid beneath the table. Then she laughed so hard that she nearly fell out of her chair.  
It was a little past midnight when Genma decided to call it quits. "Some of us have to get up in the morning," He laughed around his senbon.

Genma picked Gai up off the floor throwing him over his shoulder.

"I'll drop the defeated off at his place. Should I leave a note from the victorious "Eternal Rival"?" He asked.  
"No I'll remind him later," Kakashi laughed as he paid for his and Anko's portion of the tab.  
They all walked out still laughing their way through good times.

"Well I'll see you two later," Genma said walking away towards Gai's apartment.  
"So, are you ready for this night to end?" Anko asked with a wanton smile gracing her lips.  
"Not even close."  
Anko smiled and took off at a run, stumbling just a little.  
"Hey, where are you going," Kakashi called after her.  
"You have to catch me if you want to find out."  
The chase was short and left the two of them leaning on each other giggling as they walked.

Anko led Kakashi by the arm to her place. Anko fumbled her keys twice in her excitement. Finally, she got the door open stumbled into the shadowy entry and then turned giving Kakashi a come hither motion before turning around.  
Kakashi grinned planning a quick little trick that would teach her the secret she had spent days trying to figure out. He focused made a single hand seal and then followed her inside.  
As he walked through the door Anko grabbed him and pushed him to the wall. She shut the door and flipped on a dim lamp on a nearby table. She returned to where she had left Kakashi, an evilly gleeful grin on her face as she reached for the mask.  
She pulled it down in one swift motion, and saw Kakashi smiling… through a gray mask. She grabbed that one and pulled it down. There was a red one behind it.  
"What the Hell?"  
Kakashi laughed and then leaned down and kissed her, bare lips to bare lips. He pulled up the black mask. "Release," He said. "Now you know my little trick," he smiled.  
"An illusion," she said dumbstruck. Then her lips drew up in a pout "You cheat," She said gently popping Kakashi on the side of his head.  
He laughed and then whispered in her ear. "You aren't the only one who can make the rules up as they go along."  
She didn't drop the pout but she gave it just the hint of a smile. "So am I ever going to see the real you," she breathed into his ear.  
"All you had to do was ask," he whispered back to her.  
He lifted his mask over the top of his head. Anko stood for a minute  
soaking in every detail. His jaw line was chiseled, but not so much as to give him a perpetually stony expression. Her eyes locked onto his semi-full lips in the same way that a predator's gaze locked onto  
its prey.  
And with predatory grace she lunged for those lips. The kiss alone was amazing. It lingered for an instant before she deepened it, her tongue and his danced back and forth. The heat of it, like, seemed to suck up all the air in Anko's lungs. Reluctantly Anko broke the kiss and slipped off her jacket.  
Kakashi wasted no time latching his lips onto her neck. Feather soft at first, the kisses grew more forceful and urgent as he eased his way down to where her shirt met her neck. Growing frustrated he reached for the hem of the offending garment.  
Anko's hands came up fast and pushed Kakashi's arms back against the wall. She grinned as she leaned in and began to unzip his vest with her teeth. She released him and the vest fell open and slid off of Kakashi's arms. Then Anko slid her hands underneath his shirt and pulled it up over his head.

Kakashi grew frustrated and grabbed the back of Anko's thighs lifting her up. He carried her across to the opposite wall of the hallway. Anko let out a tiny squeal when her back touched the wall.

She grinned and started to hoist her shirt off as best she could in the awkward position. Kakashi let go of one thigh relying on the other hand and the wall to support her weight. He then pinned her hands against the wall stopping the shirt while it was still covering her eyes. Again Anko let out a quiet squeal.

Kakashi teased her. He began kissing at her shoulder then moved up her neck until he once again reached her lips. She was smiling, no fear. He could only see absolute trust in Anko's smile. He released her arms and smiled when she threw the shirt aside with a feral glint in her eye.

She pulled off Kakashi's headband forcing him to close his eye so that he didn't burn up to much energy with the Sharingan. Anko left a few butterfly kisses on the top of his chest before she pushed off the wall with her shoulders causing Kakashi to backpedal towards the bedroom door. Kakashi regained his balance and kept himself from physically crashing through the door. He adjust their position so that Anko's legs were wrapped firmly around his lower back and then carefully opened the door into her bedroom.

He navigated to the bed expecting Anko to let go and lay down. She refused, grinning all the more as she reached down and undid his belt and the top button on his pants. Then she leaned forward into Kakashi causing him to topple over onto the bed with her on top of him. She quickly undid her bra with one hand and tried to wiggle off Kakashi's pants with the other.

The situation being obvious both Anko and Kakashi hurriedly slipped out of the last of their clothing. Kakashi rolled the two of them over and began to kiss the length of her body paying special attention to her breasts.

Anko was enjoying the attention, but at this point it wasn't what her body craved. She pulled Kakashi back up and kissed him hard before rolling them again so that she was back on top.

Kakashi liked being in control but he sensed this was a case it would be in his best interests to just go with it. She trusted him but it was a newly formed bond and he didn't want to risk it for something that wasn't that important, and this promised to be more fun any way.

Anko settled herself straddling Kakashi and she could feel his erection pressing against her. She felt a boiling hot knot in her stomach. It was so intense she couldn't think of anything except how to deal with it.

Anko kissed Kakashi deeply as she positioned herself over him. She eased down and they both reacted to the new sensation. All of the air in Kakashi's lungs left him at once and was replaced by a heated moan from Anko that passed through their still locked lips.

Anko felt full and warm and every short thrust sent electric fire coursing through her veins. As good as it was she rose to a sitting position so she could feel even more.

Kakashi grabbed her hips to gain some leverage for his thrusts. Each time Anko came down he rose to meet her and the increased sensation was quickly doing him in.

Kakashi had to change position or it would be over, and he wasn't ready for it to end. Without stopping he leaned Anko even farther back and then sat up. He paused and lifted Anko up just long enough to shift his legs underneath him. Once he was kneeling sitting on his heels he pulled Anko to his chest and returned to their original pace.

This new position was tiring and more than a little uncomfortable. However, Anko's moans were deeper and more frequent so it was obviously working for her and for that Kakashi could work through a little discomfort.

The tense heated knot in Anko's stomach had shifted to Anko's core and was getting tighter. Anko couldn't think straight everything was just so warm. She leaned her head into the crook of Kakashi's neck and moaned his name.

Hearing his name like that drove Kakashi to new heights. He thrust from both knees and hips going as fast and as hard as he could. Anko's moans and sighs grew faster and deeper until her breath stuck in her throat.

Anko couldn't take it anymore. She turned her head from his neck and bit down on Kakashi's shoulder. In that instant all the tension released and she could breath again. She threw back her head and let out a deep sigh through her teeth.

Anko's orgasm was the end for Kakashi as well. The sudden tightness coupled with the sudden sharp pain of her teeth broke his concentration. He gave one final thrust and emptied into her.

His break in concentration also caused him to open his sharingan eye as well. As so many times before in his life the entire world seemed to slow. Every detail became apparent in that moment frozen in time. The tense muscles in Anko's neck. The sweat running down between the valley of her breasts. Though the part that stood out most was her eyes. They were unfocused and hazy from her orgasm but they were still bright with love and desire and they were looking at him.

Kakashi gently laid both of them back down onto the bed, and silently thanked Obito for what his gift. For a time Kakashi had begun to look at his Sharingan as a curse. Now, however, he began to see it as a true gift. It brought him a great deal of pain at times, but that pain brought him to a happier place and allowed him to appreciate what he now had.

Anko snuggled into his chest and sighed once more. "I love you." she whispered as she quickly fell asleep.

They were laying on the blankets so Kakashi had to pull them from the edge of the bed to cover Anko and himself. "I love you too." He said and kissed her cheek before falling to sleep himself.

The alarm clock read 5 A.M. when the knock came at the door. Anko barely stirred so Kakashi threw off the blankets and climbed out of the bed. He dragged on his pants and walked towards the front door. He grabbed the door knob and then remembered that he didn't have on his mask. He quickly put up an illusion to cover his face and then opened the door. He saw a head of pink hair as the door swung inwards.

"Well hello Sakura," Kakashi said putting on a smile.

"Oh, hi. I'm sorry Kakashi. I'm supposed to find Anko and I must have gotten the wrong apartment number."

"No you got the right one," Anko said.

Kakashi glanced over his shoulder and saw Anko wrapped in a blanket. She apparently had woken up when Kakashi had started moving about.

"What do you need?" She continued

Sakura stepped forward and threw her a scroll. Which Anko caught easily without dropping the blanket.

"Tsunade has a mission for us. A small village on the northern border has been dealing with a rash of illnesses. Shizune and I have to go deal with it, and with the recent increase in bandit activity in the area Tsunade feels that the two of us could use some extra protection. So, she's sending you as well."

"Let me go grab my gear. You two can sit here and chat," Anko smiled.

Anko stepped back into her room, and Kakashi could hear drawers opening and closing. He looked back at Sakura. Sakura averted her eyes and blushed.

'I guess it's hard imagining your former sensei in a situation like this,' Kakashi thought.

Anko came out dressed and carrying her field pack.

"Ready to go," She said.

Anko stepped up next to Kakashi. She gave him a peck on the cheek, and the spare key to her place. Sakura turned trying to give them some privacy.

"Be safe," Kakashi whispered "You have to come back in one piece." He punctuated the statement with a kiss.

Anko whispered just loud enough for Kakashi to hear. "I'll be back in a few days copycat. Don't turn into a scaredy-cat." She paused with a little smile, "I'll come back I promise. I won't come back because I need you or because you need me. We are beyond needing each other. I'll come back because I want you. I want you more than anything else, and it's the things we want, not the things we need, that make us feel alive."

Anko turned and clasped Sakura's shoulder to get her attention. Then she and Sakura set off towards the main gate with packs slung.


End file.
